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niusha97:

Well , i’m 15 and here is my life everyday ..

I wake up, i’m still tired, I feel like I haven’t slept at all because of how late I slept over thinking everything that I could possibly over think , or just tossing and turning all night from not being able to sleep from my insomnia. I finally get…

Reblog if you would be devastated if you found out one of your followers committed suicide.

mbd7262:

sophisticated-narcissist:

thorinsqueen:

e-rivers:

dotti55:

superwholock-is-the-new-sexy:

sweeterthan16:

rainbowflyer:

wheretheewildthingssaree:

moject-prayhem:

don’t you dare not reblog!!!!!!

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If you don’t reblog this I’m judging you.

Just one.

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I’m here!!

Completely devastated!!

D: no… just… noooooo… :’(

don’t you dare

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anytime I hear of a suicide actually…

(Source: e1en4, via sierrabarkley-deactivated201310)

Everyday

Well , i’m 15 and here is my life everyday ..

I wake up, i’m still tired, I feel like I haven’t slept at all because of how late I slept over thinking everything that I could possibly over think , or just tossing and turning all night from not being able to sleep from my insomnia. I finally get up, and leave the bed, in the worst possible mood. Not in an angry mood, but the most depressed mood, why? Because i’m alive yet another day. I didn’t want to wake up, I just wanted to continue to sleep, and never wake up. I go to the bathroom and look down and see all the scars all over my body. Scars from a razor.. I don’t cover them, simply because I know whoever looks at it/ see’s it will not care. I run my fingers through the cuts on my wrist, as they remind me of how unhappy I am, as they remind me why, why did I do it? I did it so I could hide the pain, just for a little while. They all represent a time in my life where I felt weak, alone, scared, unhappy. I go to see how happy my family is, while the time I smile is thinking that one day I will no longer be here, no longer have to battle this on going depression that I have been fighting for 2 years. I try to fake a smile so they don’t suspect anything. I try to act like everything is alright, when I just don’t want to be alive anymore! I’ve been cutting for 2 years, I just want it to stop, but as long as I live, it wont. I can’t tell anyone about my problems, i’m scared. I’ve been to a therapist, psychiatrist, nothing has helped, so I learned to keep it all bottled in. Everyday, I think back and remember the day I tried to commit suicide, I overdosed and was hospitalized, 6000 mg of Tylenol. On the way to the hospital, the only think my mom said to me was ” I hope that you die ” She dropped me off at the hospital, and left. I was at the hospital all by myself, I was throwing up, non stop, very close to dying and I was all by myself, no one was there for me, no one was there to hold me, and tell me that I was going to be okay.. They transferred me to a mental hospital, I was with other girls who were facing similar issues, each very different, I talked to everyone of those girls while I was there and prayed, prayed for each and everyone of them that they would get better, that they wouldn’t have to face this monster anymore! I get released, I go back to my house, everything is still the same! I go to school, no one even noticed I was gone. I lost 7 pound in 3 weeks, I ate, but my stress and anxiety was too much for me to handle. I still break down every single night when everyone is asleep, I cry to myself thinking why? Why couldn’t I have died that very day? No one cared when I was in the hospital, they would care if I would have died that very day, they would actually be happy! I mess up everything I come in touch with. I pretend that i’m something i’m not everyday. Everyone thinks that I do this just for attention, but the reason I cut, the reason i’m suicidal, is because no one loves me, no one paid attention to me from the beginning, no one would miss me, i’m just a waste of space, money, and time. Everything would be so much better if I wasn’t here anymore. I always judge myself! I just wish I could be someone that everyone loves, someone that can have a shoulder to cry on, rather than always being that shoulder. I wish that I was never born! 

July 24th plan.

thinprettythings:

Breakfast: 1 egg white with salt. (25)

Lunch: Spinach (20)

Dinner: 14 baby carrots. (35)

Snack:
Diet Soda
Tea
Black coffee.

1 hour run.
1 hour bike ride.
1 hour cardio.

NO EXEPTIONS.
I’m exited, but I can do this now matter how hard it is. I can win this.

So that will make my net…  -1230 at a vigorous effort. Good. :*

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